Thursday, July 31, 2003
9:02 PM

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posted by crazyyuan
Hello bloggie!!!
Todae is the 31 of july! The time now is 7.51pm.
Just finished dinner..so bao….so decided to sit down to write in you : )
Anyway..it has been some days since I posted in you. Dun worry I have not forgotten about u. Instead I have been thinking about wat I want to write in u all this time, really, on my way to school..during gp lecture…during breaks…at home… Its funny how I seem to look forward to writing to u like u are really a person who is listening to all my troubles.
Ok..i said I have lots to say. One of them is regarding the previous entry..the one abt my mom. Yes I agree people make mistake…u can never expectm people to understand your thought and words perfectly the way you want them to be conveyed. I was in a grumpy mood I must agree..must be pms….i should have understood that i should not expect my mom to understand me all the time, and that people do make mistakes that I should not have talked back when she said those words..which she thought was appropriate to reprimand me for slacking in school.

Yes life is unfair at times.
I wanna tell u about the gp lecture that we had on Monday!.I think that it is so cool!!
Really.. although one can see them as a butch of mad scientists prodding on the possibliltis that will happen in the future..they made rather lot of sense when they explained their theories. On the whole I was about how humans will continue to survive when the earth is utterly destroyed by man’s activities or when it is consumed by the sun in a couple million of years. Yeah, they showed us the problems of space travel and came up with all sort of shocking theories to solve the situation. A few mention about genetically modifying men to be more adaptable to life in space or for space travel.Yeah..i was really impressed by them..true that wat they said make sense..and the statistics they came up with were believable..it occurred to me..why didn’t I knew about the fact that space travel was developing at such a rapid rate so as to prepare up for the destruction of earth..? i thought that they were going to mars just test to the limit of their space rockets and which country could travel further. I realized that only the developed countries like the US had the resources to spend on such research. And then…is it the purpose of space exploration to look for another civilization for humans? It sure didn’t occur to me when the scientists discussed the suitability of mars for humans had means that we could be moving there in the near future cos the earth is dying..
Ok another interesting thing about the gp lecture was wat one scientist said (wonder if u all remember) “there are more stars in space than the number of sand on every beach on earth”…explaining that that possibility of finding an earthlike planet was very high ….on hearing that..i felt how insignificant earth is, how insignificant my world is…..but hey who cares..by the time earth perish..i will be dead by then..of course that is a very naïve thought..but I got more thing on my hand to think about….like my A’s..yes…another naïve answer..

Talking about results…the principal gave all the year twos a talk about the june comman test..she showed us case studies. Interestingly..she did not show us about how fantastic we could do..like getting 4 As, but showed us how we could do ourselves injustice if we are not careful enough to be unfocused in our studying. She said that a decent result was to about 50 pts..a competitive grade to the popular course would be 69(that’s 4 distinctions lor!!) and the tj average was 64….cannot belive it….i got EEE for june lor…that’s only 24 pts…plus mother tongue a2(7 pt) and gp(C6)..tian arh..get 33 pts can go where har..go sweep road arh….must stardii harder!! In maths class my fav maths teacher:ah kwan said I had an ok result for my JCT..and maybe will get good progress award if I continue to work hard for prelims.(woah..then grad night expense dun need to worry liao)I should stop dreaming and start working.
Oh yar diary..tell u something..i think I am obsessed with death stuff. As I told some friends in school todae..i sort of visualized myself shooting myself in the brain in front of my teacher and some classmates..feels a bit weird..dun panic so soon I am perfectly fine!! I am not going to buy a gun or shot anything. Sometimes I think that death is a very amazing thing..that it gives people a new perspective of life. I am amused how death gives people shock and horror..the emotions which they desire from horror stories but are too scared to face them in real life. I understand that death is not the answer to any problems..but hey why can people see death as a solution to the weak minded who can no longer take the affairs of the world..ok(lame excuse). Maybe I am wat yingling said..subconsiously stressed..but I still think I am fine…my mom said to me recently…even if the world were to go crazy from being stressed..i would be the last one..cos I am just too slack.

Yeah these are just some of the stuff that has happen this week..not much..it feels good to write them done and share them with u diary…funny..i one thought that if one day if I do die..maybe my diary can be published or something..or at least pple can come and read my last words…

Tomorrow got interhouse netball!!yeah!!i like netball, gives me a sense of belonging ..and that I have the ability to take up a postion. Although snatching balls have never been my cup of tea…i still enjoy the game… so I will try my best to be myself tomorrow, which is trying not to steal any lime light..cos I hate it!

Here’s a song which I think is really great..superman….its not easy

Superman (It's Not Easy)
I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

I’m more than a bird…I’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd…but don’t be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed…but won’t you concede
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me

Up, up and away…away from me
It’s all right…You can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy…or anything…

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

It’s not easy to be me.

True I am not superman…. but I believe one day I will be able to fly…will not need to lie about anything…need not fall upon my knees….one day I will fly and with clouds between my knees and find the special things inside of me .
Sunday, July 27, 2003
6:15 PM

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posted by crazyyuan
Hey diary…
todae is the 27 of july… I was trying to take a nap .It didn’t work.. thats why I am typing in a blank word document now, cos I cannot go on net anymore, or else I have no money to pay my brother for the internet bills.
You know diary?i always wanted to start writing a diary….but I never got done to doing it cos it was too troublesome. i think its because I am too lazy to write an entry everyday.. at least to keep it going. I dont know why.. but I think I can continue writing in blog.. cos writing in this diary doesn’t seem so troublesome anymore. I dun noe how it is.. maybe it is the typing that make it fun, or maybe it is just the element of sharing your thoughts with your friends. I dun keep a diary cos I dun think my house is secure enough that no one will read my darkest secrets. Not that there are pple creeping around to read my stuff.. i just think it is not safe. Once started a diary when I was abt sec 1, it was in half Chinese and half English…and I only wrote in it when I was feeling down…like times when I felt my mom doesn’t understand me. This still happens at times and this is also the reason why I am writing this now…..
Anyway the diary I started in sec1 stopped after abt 10 entries. .cos I thought they are too sick(sad) to be contined…I seems to be recording the worst felt moments of my life and reading them made one felt worst. Yes, one can also write happy things in a diary…things that is worth remembering.. why didn’t I do that..? Maybe I never thought abt writing in my diary when I am happy only when I am sad…now..who wants to continue a diary like that.
When I write in you..i dun really think much…dun really care who the heck will be reading it…whether they know me a not..cos its really their choice how they perceive pple like me…anyway I think everyone will be sick of reading this after sometime…by then they will forget abt entering this page…..so diary…u are so fortunate I am writing in u now..hehe…despite its because I can feeling down now…

Ok… sometimes I am really tactless(or that’s wat pple say I am)…I was wondering…even if I am writing in the diary now..i must keep in mind not to say anything stupid…maybe train myself to be less tactless..
I often wonder what the heck am I doing with my life? My mom keep saying…. “you ! if u keep on going on like this(slacking.. which I dun do often.. but she always catch me when I am at it and says that I am always doing it.. why?) you will regret when you get your results…by then u will have no tears to cry and onone will take pity on you either cos you deserve it!” hey…like I always say.. everyone wat good results so do i!i am trying my best to work hard…so hard to the extent that I only want to prove to my mom that I can do it…(to the extent that I dun think proving to myself makes any difference cos she will just drown whatever spirit I have)…..but she does not seem to understand. Yes I understand she is not the type who praises her children…but hey do u have to be a wet blanket when ever I try to do something? take for instant…me and jia dai decided to have tution on Monday straight after school at 430. her first impress is that “wat? u having tuition then? Since when have u come back so early before.. and I thought u always like to sleep when u come home? U surely will be falling asleep halfway through the tuition. why dun u have it at night like the other days?”… why cant u be nice about ans stop being a wet blanket at everything I want to do..or is it me who is being the immature one here?

Ok whatever the incident is over now and I know wat my mom say is for my good(which is poltically correct..but I dun see how) ..me just angry at myself why I have to live under the perception of how pple view me.. and not how I want to be? I just dun understand…..

Suddenly I thought that writing in you,diary..gave me a chance to be self-centerered for a while ..my be that’s why I am like writing in you…I am giving myself a chance to express MY VIEWS MY THOUGHT MY IDEAS FULL ATTENTION. ALL ABT MYSELF!!!! HAHA. FEELS SO GOOD TO BE TALKING ALL ABT MYSELF…on the other hand. I can see myself to be just a crazy person who love to talk to herself…(can I put it in anyway that wouls sound nicer?) …. ….. feels so empty all of the sudden….nooo! this will not do…I have voice out my displeasures…I feel better now..really…at least it not all cooped up inside me… and I remembered that I have school tomorrow!!yeah!! cant wait to see my beloved friends!! And thanks diary!!i really feel better now 

Now a quote I like a lot:
Happy or sad one have to live,
Why not live on happily!

Ah dun care liao..me going to post this in my blog!
Friday, July 25, 2003
10:02 PM

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posted by crazyyuan
Yoz diary!!
You wouldn’t guess how many crazy things happened todae…
Firstly.. was in lit lecture when I had to present to the whole lit cohort on my part in the turn of the screw…I think I didn’t do a good job…cos too nervious..how I hate presentations!!! Can they read for themselves?..ok I am just being stupid. Ying ling say I like to escape from reality…actually quite true…really feel like growing wings and flying away during the presentation..or at least wear a mask and present..
Secondly..me joined interhouse tennis…haha..that still sounds like the greatest joke of the universe…I mean the part of me joining… but hey! WE WON!!!
Actually is the opponent never come..we walk over…me felt quite disappointed really..although I was glad I did not need to play…cos I really suck at tennis, but I wanted to play a part for alpha…not really for the house..maybe more for myself to build up more courage, read more about other sports and add it to the list of crazy stuff I have done in tj like joining the titans..
Todae also saw the entry form for interhouse netball..really thought of joining.. but remember at happened last year…haiz..better not.
And then talked abt having a study group to study. Must start studying liao!! i must tell myself everyday.. ZIHUI STOP SLACKING!!

Thursday, July 24, 2003
9:57 PM

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posted by crazyyuan
Hohoho!!!
Todae is my birthdae…
Woke up this morning with a very funny feeling.. that I will be receiving some presents…the feeling is weird and funny as I am so not used to receive presents..rather give pple presents to pple really…at least you get to see how pple react when they receive your homemade prezzie…so…sorri to the pple whom I gave weird expressions to when I received your presents…just that I dun noe how to react…cos I just cannot get myself used to the fact that I am worth all the trouble….of course..which I think I can be..
But hey..why complain when u are the one receiving the presents and they are all from your very best friends …like my great 33 pals and guitar gang…and the beloved old 24 gals…I really loved the presents and cards you all gave…

Life is short…like I always say ..you never noe wat will happen tomorrow..never noe when u would not be able to see the next beautiful purple and pink sun set or sun rise… friendships are fragile too , often easily broken by misunderstandings…..(touch wood)

Therefore on my one and only 18th birthday….
I want to say THANK YOU !!! to all my friends!!
I love u all!!!
Wednesday, July 23, 2003
12:37 AM

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posted by crazyyuan
hello..wat happen to a post i just saved?..disappear liao..anyway..tomorow me wearing baju kurong..is it spelled like that?
so happy..that the whole class will be wearing..quite cool i think at least we would be doing something together..
not that 33 never do things together...just that i hope we can have better memories of eaach other..
read jia dai's blog just now..agree with the part that we "should still slow down and take a look around us". someimes, everyone is too busy in their tracks to enjoy the finer parts of like..maybe that's part of the busy life style everyone is living.

have u ever notice the world is connected ...all matters relate to each other..the birds to the sky..to the sea..to the fishes..
ok
how about this..that the pple around u..who are your friends are pple who have lived in this worls physically and mentally changed things surrounding them.For example..your class mate who is the same age as you too have a father, a mother and siblings...not that all this the obvious..but they all have lived lives and relationships which do not does not occure to us...
ok..maybe i am the only one that thinks like that..i dun really care if anyone reading this thinks that i am crazy
but hey..haven u all felt that it is amazing how our different lives interconnect just becuse we know similar friends.
even on the streets..each passerby have his own life, family, friends, circle of life...each one of us have different experiences which are never shared by others...but by knowing pple.having friends..our lives interconnect...

this is the first time i am putting down one of my crazyiest thoughts ...usually just think them through...but always feels a bit funny cos it is the obvious facts of life that everyone are living different lives..but are so similar in so many ways....that we are are just humans and wat we have gone through are our experiences..wat we are going through now is our current state of mind..but wat we will go through in the future is so unpredicatable , but will just become part of the past we will see tomorrow :)
Friday, July 18, 2003
10:26 PM

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posted by crazyyuan
Yoz diary..how are you lately?
Me been so slack…
SYF finished…just got over the “we’ve got gold!” syndrome… now got even less reason to slack liao..i think I have to stay at home on Saturdays from now on…and study….with my mom breathing down my neck…
Today is a fine day.. slacked in the student’s lounge for 2 periods..played tennis after PE…wondering whether to turn up for the interhouse tennis match on Monday…surely will chu cuo one…but hey…me got not much face to save also..

Wednesday will be racial harmony day….how…really hope to wear something nice…can look pretty…which girl dun want…just dun look stupid can liao…aiyo I think I sound bimbotic…so…how? Wat to wear?

Aiyah…still got people’s birthday present haven give but now a bit broke….and my birthdae coming…(not hinting), just that if pple give and you never ‘return’ a bit pai seh….sianz…going to be 18 soon…how interesting….wonder how I spent them:
9 -years in sleep(I sleep a lot)
2 -years studying…dun do that much…explains for the results..
3 -years watching tv…..  i love tv !
2 -years slacking…including all the fooling around not doing serious stuff when I am awake.eg…daydreaming
2 -years spent in the Singapore education system :pri, sec, jc with all my friends&cca

aiyo.. looking back ..i practically spent most of my 18 years doing silly stuff…is everyone’s life like that or is it just mine? Am I just a typical teen who is totally lost of wat I want to do in the future…or am I just part of the great universe that is waiting to decompose to provide life to the future generation….haiz…the lack of purpose..the lack of drive..the lack of passion….makes one feel useless…but hey I am not despair cos I know something is out there waiting for me…or do I have to find it?
I like the blog…cos I like to type out my ideas and thought…which make me think to myself..its like chatting on irc…just that I am answering my own qns…hey guys…if you got any comment on me or my life..feel free to drop a note at my tag board..cos you all are the one who make me feel that I belong somewhere…
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
10:44 PM

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posted by crazyyuan
WE GOT GOLD!!!
WE GOT GOLD!!!
WE GOT GOLD!!!

I JUST CANNOT BELIVE IT!
Today ,the 16 July 2003, TJC got its gold after 10 years!!
Yes, the last time we got gold was in 1993….arh!! we did it.
I still remember..at abt 1.45, we arrived at nanyang school, were directed to the holding room.. frantically tuned our guitars…directed quickly into the waiting room, where we were only given 20 mins to practice for one last time… before long.. we were all hurried to the auditorium.. some of us did not even thought that it was the time for us to compete…little did we know our fate of our central judging in the SYF was decided within those 7 plus minutes…
The only though on my mind when I entered the audi was:S
MILE…DUN KNOCK DOWN ANYCHAIRS OR FOOL STOOLS…MOST OF ALL, DUN MAKE ANY MAJOR MISTAKES…!!
Arhh.. all of this is like a dream.. I better write them down so I will never forget wat happened. No way this is going to happen again….
the results were announced after,the break…after the performance of NYJC, HCJC&VJC….they were so good man.. all of us agreed that they were much better than us…we were seriously starting to doubt whether we will get gold…our target seemed to be drifting further and further away as we heard the different impressive performances…


“the results:
blahh jc….silver…
Blah..jc…..silver
Blah..jc….. bronze
Blah..jc…..silver…
Temasek Junior college……(we all held our breath)

GOLD”…and then came the thundering and screeking cheering and screams…
We finally made it…by the time we all took in the shock of us finally achieving the gold…we all had tears trickling down our cheeks….we had worked soooo hard.. and we made it…no words could describe how we all felt at the moment..the only thing we could do was to hug each and every one of our friends all hard to express the joy in our hearts…the only word that we can be heard muttering breathlessly under our breaths were “we got gold…”

Ok this is quite a long entry…
Just want to say…more than half of the guitar members who took part in the SYF had not known how to play the guitar until last year.. after abt 8 months of practicing…blistering of finger, freezing in audits, and tiring practices.. we all did our best and could now hang our heads up high when we go back to school…see our names on the plagues in the school… and of course on the canteen TV!!!
After the SYF everyone felt sad too that it have ended.. so suddenly.. and we would not be singing each other during the practice any more..
Just wanna say that I have no regrets joining TJC guitar club.. not that we got gold in SYF but I gained the valuable friendships of many wonderful pple we I do not know to have exist until I have joined guitar.
They are huiyan…always trying to kill me with her guitar neck…
wenru.. the girl always so demure. .makeing me bring out the unladylike of myself just to spite her.. and
yi wen…a blur little junior, ever so cute and funny…and
kai ru….responsible ‘little’ fun loving girl who loves thai food and laughing at me…and xiaohan…my very own ‘man tou’, always like a lady, but laughing at things that don’t and do make sense….depressing at times… but sees the world from a different view from many of us.

I am so going to miss guitar….
Tuesday, July 15, 2003
9:17 PM

1 comments

posted by crazyyuan
Got a few days never come write write liao
Todae is 15/7/03 Tuesday, tomorrow is the syf!!!! So scary!
Ok.. nothing much happen the past few days other than the ususl lessons and the last few guitar practices.
How sad would it be when guitar practices end… me will surely miss all the guitar 1 pple like wenru, hui yan, kairu, lena, Diana, Cheryl, meixi, tat wee, Joanna, annie, yiwen, keong li…and the guitar twos…Barbie…bam bam..bobo,haha…sharon ,jangtian, fannni and co…plus of cos the third and bass guitar pple…xiaohan serine, cherysa, siying….must write down these names cos I want to remember them even after guitar has stopped.
Thinking back, so many of us had not known how to play the guitar until now …can take part in syf. The happy memories are unforgettable….the special friendship should continue even if we should go our separate ways. Must remember to ask them out someday to go shopping or something…
Saturday, July 12, 2003
11:55 PM

0 comments

posted by crazyyuan
had guitar this morning, my back ache, butt achs any fingers numb..got grow the thick skin...
cannot wait for syf to end
hope we get gold ..really hope me make no mistakes on tat day.. think ing of not playing for the solo parts

how....i think should start mugging...7 weeks left.. the days are flying off the calender...i dun want to regret for not studing for the rest of my life
how can i convince my self to start studing? my be like wat jolin say:though of getting 'f' makes one study
heard from hui yan got mass comp in ntu... suddenly got of going there..then she said need AAB or some thing...
arh!
i must really start studying!...cannot imagine going to uni and take some weird paper..
Friday, July 11, 2003
12:04 AM

0 comments

posted by crazyyuan
hey this is one nice song..just finsh typing the summary of the turn of the screw. This is will prob be the last entry i am going to post from home.cos my mom and bro is going me to ban me from using the net.....

当你
如果有一天 我回到从前
回到最原始的我 你是否会觉得我不错

如果有一天 我离你遥远
不能再和你相约 你是否会发觉我已经说再见

当你的眼睛眯著笑 当你喝可乐当你找
我想对你好 你从来不知道 想你想你 也能成为嗜好
当你说今天的烦恼 当你说夜深你睡不著
我想对你说 却害怕都说错 还喜欢你 知不知道

如果有一天 梦想都实现
回忆都成了永远 你是否还会记得今天
如果有一天 我们都发觉
原来什么都可以 无论是否还会停留在这里

也许可是让我想得太多 也许该回到没我
梦里和相遇 就毫不犹豫 大声的说我要说
当你的眼睛眯著笑 当你喝可乐当你找
我想对你好 你从来不知道 想你想你 也能成为嗜好
啦~ 啦~
我想对你说 却害怕都说错 还喜欢你 知不知道
啦~ 啦~
Thursday, July 10, 2003
11:54 PM

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posted by crazyyuan
hey why got a clone of me? lame..

11:53 PM

0 comments

posted by crazyyuan
haiz todae is the 10 of july
tomorrow got turn of the screw presentation and i think i am all screwed up.. surely will shiver.. then they will say my voice not loud enough, and things like dun noe wat u talking...

haix
got back my econs paper today too
a bit sad, cos i studied for the paper.. did not expect it to be so bad...44.something
wat's my prob?
maybe i am the kind of person who needs a tution teacher for every subject i study. i so much wan to prove my self that i can do it , that i can study myself and do well. It doesnt seem meant to be.
i think its time to reflect wat i can do if i dun get my a's cert.

10:31 PM

0 comments

posted by crazyyuan
haiz todae is the 10 of july
tomorrow got turn of the screw presentation and i think i am all screwed up.. surely will shiver.. then they will say my voice not loud enough, and things like dun noe wat u talking...

haix
got back my econs paper today too
a bit sad, cos i studied for the paper.. did not expect it to be so bad...44.something
wat's my prob?
maybe i am the kind of person who needs a tution teacher for every subject i study. i so much wan to prove my self that i can do it , that i can study myself and do well. It doesnt seem meant to be.
i think its time to reflect wat i can do if i dun get my a's cert.
Wednesday, July 9, 2003
11:56 PM

0 comments

posted by crazyyuan
ahhh! after qian xin wan ku, finally i logged in. i am begining to think i am a jinx to my computer