Thursday, June 17, 2004
is my life just a play?

when to watch a play yesterday by the nus drama.. was quite interesting.. cos it was at the bedok library.. hence the crowd it attracted ranged from 60 years old ah peks to 3 years old kinds who mumbled very loudly..maaameeee....!!.. everynow and then.. it made me realise the importance of having an audience.. when u are actually having the play.. its all abt conveying a message to the audience.. or else there is no purpose in having a drama or a play.. well.. its the same as being yourself.. u are the main character... with all ur friends around u playing the story with u.. and the story is called life.. and who is the audience?.. everyone.. maybe thats why we are self-consious of wat we do.. cos everyone is watching.. prob if no one is watching.. we all can be very different pple.. doing things we really like.. or is it simply the image we all trying to protray.. the image we are trying to keep as ' my image' in other pple's mind... i dun noe.. its like writing a blog.. for self entertainment.. also to entertain other pple as well for some.. well.. if there is no audience.. like writing in your very own personal diary.. well... one should have nothing to hide.. no need to conceal anything.. but of course.. u can also try to escape from the real world by writing stuff that are not as they seem.....


my blog.... my table...me....messy life well.. after much cutting and pasting and figuring out the unknown language of html.. i finally attempted to salvage the look of my old blog...it wasnt much.. just that with this site looking like the old one.. maybe i wont miss the old one so much.. but then.. ironically.. withit looking like the old one.. its hard not to think of the old one...

it some how occured to me that my blog was like my study table at home.. untidy.. heaped up with stuff, dark.. with many old stuff and most importantly.. it has a lot of things with can be rendered useless but things that i would not throw away.. and i would leave lying around.. really.. coming to think of it... its like that harry potter and the something stone ticket stub which had peiyu's hp no behind.. did u remember peiyu?.. thats when u first got ur hp..haha.. well and the old post cards..ntu brochures.. nus booklets.. files.. bills and a bunch of highlighters and pens here and a stack of rough paper there.. things that i think i would be using some day and just leave on my table.. which results in a mess which my mom is always nagging abt.. well my blog is the same.. hey.. who really go and read the archives.. to go see wat the hell u were busy abt last year this time?... and any way.. ur blog is really a whole of crap.. to others.. like ur mom;s reaction towards ur mess on the table.. but hey.. these things actually have some value lor.. does not mean that they sit there and collect dust.. mean that they are useless... well who am i trying to convince.. maybe the only thing i can say is that those entries were wat i was really experiencing in the two years of jc life in tj.. be it tears or joy or frustration or anger.. since i dun keep a diary.. thats the only record i have.. well i am GLAD to say that the only things that i am left with after those two years is not just a bunvch of certs, t-shirts and testimonies.. ..yap...

yap.. anyone wanna go medical checkup togther at ntu on the 24 june?


Wednesday, June 16, 2004
i feel sad leh..
basically i am now just feeling very sad.. should i?..
i dun noe.. feeling sad over a lost blog..
what could i have done with it anyway?.. i dun noe..
i dun noe...i noe wat i need now.. i need to scold someone.. myself..


THIS IS TERRIBLE....
I WANT TO CRY.....REALLY...
I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED MY BLOG OF CRAZYYUAN!!!
CAN SOMEONE HELP ME???
I SO WANT THIS TO BE JUST A DREAM.. I WANT TO WAKE UP AND I WANT MY BLOG BACK
WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SO ITCHY FINGERS AND GO AND TOUCH THE STUPID BUTTON??
WHY DO I HAVE TO ASSUME THAT I WAS DELETING THE RIGHT BLOG?
WHY DO I KEEP AN EMPTY BLOG THAT I NEVER USED AND WOULD ONE DAY WOULD WANT TO DELETE AND END UP DELETING THE WRONG ONE!!??
WHY DID I NOT GO TO SLEEP JUST NOW.. BUT WANT TO WAKE UP AND CREATE A PERSONAL BLOG..
WHY??.. IS IT BECOS I WAS TOO SELFISH AND THE IDEA OF HAVING A PERSONAL BLOG HAD PUNISHED ME BY DELETING MY OLD BLOG??
I WANT MY OLD BLOG BACK..SOB.. I REALLY REALLY DO...
I JUST WANTED TO A BLOG TO MYSELF...WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN?

SUDDENLY A NEW CHAPTER(BLOG) OF MY LIFE DOES NOT SO NICE...
CRAZYYUAN.... WHY?..... NOW WAT AM I GOING TO DO???.. I HAVE LOST ACCESS TO EDITING THAT BLOG.. I SUDDELY HAD A HOLLOW AND SOUR FEELING AS I HAVE PUT SOOO MUCH OF MYSELF INTO THAT BLOG .. MY THOUGHTS MY IDEAS MY CRAP.. ALL THINGS THAT I FEEL THAT DUN NEED TO BE SAID OUT LOUD IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS BUT I FEEL IMPORTANT ABOUT.. ALL AND ALL THE STUFF.. POEMS.. IDEAS.. ME ..MYSELF.. ITS PRACTICALLY WHO I AM.. GONE..... *FROWN*

WAT CAN I DO?
WAT WILL I DO?