i dun understand how i am able to do it sometimes. when my friends get results like mine, or even better than minethey worry like anything, and they are inspired to do better. i seem able to laugh it off easily, like its no business of mine. how i hate it when i do that

i have wanting to say this for a very long time.
and this is the only place i can say it without u knowing
to my mom :
stop comparing me to the cousins! yeah i know they are great.
they are disciplined to study on their own. they are all wonderful angels who knows better than not to watch tv when their exams are 1 month away. is this all said to spite me?
obviously it is not working haha
everytime when u comment on how good the cousins are, how hardworking they are, are unlazy they are unlike me, i only have one impression in my mind,

why dont u get them to be your daughter?

u see me and u think of my sucky results, my lazy nature and says that my actions do not convince u that i am working hard. Why should i convince u i am working hard?
its my life u know, its my results, if u are worried, dun u think i am more worried?
yeah i look like i dun care, maybe its true, but do i have to convince u by putting on an appearance just to make u feel happy, something which will never happen cos in your mind, i am just a leopard who cannot change its spots.
i bet that even if i do well in my prelims u would have said that i was just luck. thats the problem u know u never believe me.
watching tv is wrong, napping is wrong, sitting in front of the comp is wrong.
only working in front of desk is correct. i might as well program myself to be a robot.or even get a robot to be your daughter....
sometimes when i dun argue back , it does mean that i am totally agree with your words u know