i am feeling terrible now.. not comfortable at all.. like there is something at my thoat , in my heart that i want to get out .. but its just stuck there.. i jus sms my the ogl to say sorry for being rude just now.. kind of stupid.. but watever.. but his name victor reminds me of the character in frankinstein.. i dun remeber which.. but it must be someone bad..

i dun noe why... but i am all mean and bitter this week.. maybe i am trying to get attention.. or that i am just going through a phrase.. but from the entries i blog.. i think anyone can see.. i am obviously not smiling as i am typing.. well not funny.. for a moment.. i thought of an analogy.. that i was like a 5 year old kid.. who had been living all his live having fun everyday .. playing with his ultraman and batman toys and watching barney and hi-five and sesame street on tv everyday and catching all the great cartoons in the evenings.. and then suddnely.. mummy says.. hey u need to go to preschool now.. no more sleeping late.. no more naps.. no more tv every afternoon and no more playing with the action figure toys everyother hour.. and next thing i know.. i am at the preschool.. with a huge mass of noisey kids.. noone familiar.. no tv to watch my fav cartoon..my ultraman action figurine is not by my side either.. but there is however a young lady who is trying to be nice to me.. wat i am trying to say is.. i dun like changes.. i dun like uncertanies. like a stubborn little child who does not understand the purpose of going to school or more importantly.. the separation from his toys and difference in daily life style is terrifying... and i feel so stupid...

why cant i think positive?.. think of all the fun u will have.. the friends u will make.. why are u wallowing in your own sorrows?.. like pple care.. if u dun pull urself out.. no one can help u.. and one part of u is thinking bitterly.. i dun need anyone's help.. i dun want to be helped either.. i am like a ball being stuck in a deep dark hole..everytime i attempt to bounce myself up.. into the air and out of the hole i appear into a bright and cheery environment.. but what goes up must go down.. before i can even catch wats around me.. i fall back down....so wats the use?.. wait for the rain to come i guess .. for it to fill the hole with water before i can float out.....

as much as i would like to think that pple care.. i would rather not... life sucks .. but at least i just pulled out all the negative thoughts out and pasted them somewhere.. hopefuly i have a good night sleep tonight...i want no more dreams of me crying.. one is enough..