true ..i shouldnt be on the comp right now..but wouldnt be i be better off here than wasting my time dreaming of wat i want to write in my blog and wat i want to do after the As..
there are always things to look forward to in life..
tomorrow's sunshine...seeing and studying with friends in school tmw...reading the newspaper... riding my bike...eating..sleeping....she concert(which i wonder whether i should go..nobody around me seems to plan to go and see it)..exams...look forward to exams really..find it rather exciting..it explores the ability of students to not regergitate wat they have learned but the thinking skills they have been taught and how they make us of these skills cleverly..ah..rubbish...me just thinking of my lit again..got 17 for my jealousy essay..not a very good enough grade to most pple..but i am contented with it and will strive further..thanks to all my friends who actually helped me in this essay man...it actually took me abt 1 week plus to do it..and still get this kind of grades..i should be ashamed of myself..
anyway..me really excited by wat i plan to do after As...so many things to accomplish..keeping in mind that i will keep in contact with my dear friends...i fear everyone will be bx with their part time scheldule that we will drift apart...every man for himself..thats wat i fear....me got this habit now of reading the classified...trying to find out wat kind of jobs interest me..maybe give me an idea of wat course i should take in U..of course i dun have much choice unless i get good results..sian ...back to my maths again...jia u friends....haha.therefore since Pk is true...Pk+1 is true....

got this sms from rosie:
When Life gives you a thousand reasons to cry,
show that you have a million and one reasons to smile.
Keep smiling and enjoy life no matter how hard it may seem to be ..

life have its ups and downs and things sometimes do become clearer after u have washed your eyes with tears. It contrast to the terrible day before..i had the most wonderful afternoon with my friends at the scope....though we were not doing significant anything together, the presence of all my friends comfort me and make me feel really much better.
The wonderful pple include ..Yingling who had been revising her econs and had ended up writing a 8 pg econs essay..eunice who had come and 'visit' us now and then with history..jia dai with her "wat crap?...sri lanka crab' jokes and constant bullying of her by me and rosie...rosie with her history notes trying to study but keep having to shoo away the fly that kept on singing (jd)...hamidah who was studying history and econs and drinking lots of water to keep her 'brain that is made up of 70% water' filled with mountain cool spring water...joan who now has ultralong fingernails and a significantly bigger thumb than mine sat down to crap with us about stuff of grad nite and the preparations.... and of course.....jasmine and shuhui who (i assumed) critisied the sg 17 mag from head to toe...the prom dresses....'the grandmother dress' i quote...and me of course attempting to complete the feat of doing a mock paper in the middle of all this chaos...haha of course i didnt finish..and then failed of course..who cares man..when i am having fun with u guys...

hey guys remember the pj party we planeed...haha..hope we can all make it and real great fun that night....look forward to seeing all of u real soon..take care!!
**GREAT BIG HUG** FROM ZIHUI TO EVERYONE!!! JIA YOU!! *O*

i found this poem on miss lim's table. yah miss lim's table when i went to find her with Jia dai..i think it is really inspiring and hope to share it everyone..

its really been a stressful period for everyone..pms does not help much either and i have really become grumpier and is easily upseted ..really. I want to say sorry to all my friends who have seen me and my black black face..really very sorry guys..me will try to get myself out of that state.

me had a real bad day yesterday..not many pple noe about it ..Ying ling saw my puffy eyes this morning...very observant..me cried myself to sleep last night..nothing much really..just was thinking of some stuff....probably a contiunation of the crying from that morning.
saw hunter in the mornin..he never even got to starting my essay..must be really busy..say a ton of essays on his table..in the end he marked it infront of me..never gave me a grade..why is the grade thingy so impt to me...i dun understand!!...sad that i was not talking about the imagery which was something i used to do...just becos i focused too much on the narrative technique...which was wat the question was asking wat.....
anyway saw lofthouse after him...so terrible....we were just talking about jealousy in othello..and other stuff..and then for dun noe wat obvious reason..i started crying..me felt more and more stupid then..but there was nothing i can do for my tears just flowed on and on.... it wasnt a good cry..cos i have lost the ability to cry out loud...and that takes a lot of energy out of me....and caused me to be very tired for the rest of the day..
me didnt have any mood to study anymore...until now...cos last night';s sobbing made me so lethagic in the morning...and so shity..later still have mock maths..going to fail..like forever....

A Creed To Live By
By Nancye Sims

Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others.
It is because we are different that each of us is special.

Don't set your goals by what other people deem important.
Only you know what is best for you.

Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart.
Cling to them as you would your life,
for without them life is meaningless.

Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future.
By living your life one day at a time,
you live all the days of your life.

Don't give up when you still have something to give.
Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.

Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect.
It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other.

Don't be afraid to encounter risks.
It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find.
The quickest way to receive love is to give love.
The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly;
and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Don't dismiss your dreams.
To be without dreams is to be without hope;
to be without hope is to be without purpose.

Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been,
but also where you're going.
Life is not a race,
but a journey to be savored each step of the way.

heard the above quote from the radio..i think it is really true, for sometimes the real enemy we are all facing is the everyone we see every day- ourselves. it takes great courage to make yourself face yourself...sometimes i think i just bluff or lie to myself too much..until the end...i do not who the real me is..the one trying to convince myself what is going on? or the one listening with a mocking attitude. do u ever face this problem?
sometimes i will tell myself.....zihui, u can do it if u put your mind to it..the other voice will be saying yahyah easier said than done,u try doing it lah...two voice in the head both arguing, but seldom do they come to a conclusion, also making an excuse in the end to waste time and not doing anything in the end...

talked to jia dai on the way home..it set me thinking wat i want to do after As..hehe thinking of it..i am filled with excitiment..really can't wait.
me want to get a job, any job really, as long as i can do it and the pay is reasonable..cos i am doing it for the experience..although for the $ also..i think that prob will work itself up..
me have always been quite lost about wat i want to do in the future..not that there is many choices for me to choose from...me not good at talking..studies not excellent...but wat i always want to do is to serve pple..hehe suddenly remember...yoz brother..if u are reading this, do u remember when we were young, we used to play a game called 'master and servant'?..hehe..that was so long ago..and i actually enjoyed being 'bossed' around by u...not that u were ery bossy..u were quite nice actually..and make me clean up my desk..anyway..i think i like to serve pple.. brighten up pple's life with a personalised service. wouldnt mind being a waiteress..help serve plates or something..quite nice wat.. mom said that it would work for me cos i dun even help our at home..which is not entirely true...i dun mind being a small worker actually...but then..i hope to do something for pple..and earn some allowance in the process of course...some of my friends are really into teaching..i think that is a very wei da (honourable) profession..to be able to pass on knowledge to the young ones..give them a stable foundation..who would imagine wat would haven happen to me how if my pri school teacher didnt make me understand 1+1=2.... I would have so many difficulties now..all teachers contribut to who we are today and what we learn , whether they teach relief or not...if u are a good teacher..they will remember u for a long time..if u are a bad one..they will speak bad of u for a longer time..thats why i dun want to be a teacher..anyway..i may just say some morbid stuff and get sacked....cannot lah..canot be teacher..maybe be gothic teacher..show them wat is morbid...haha

haha me was so excited by the idea of doing part time that i went to search out the nus and ntu guide books on wat course they offer..unfortunatly..i didnot find wat i have in mind...wanted to be a PR..service sector one..only found that ntu had one in the school of business-human resource..dun noe wat is that..then i went to find the recruit section of Straits times..thinking of asking Dr R on wat courses i should take...felt a bit crazy...but took down the email anyway..maybe i will pick up courage one day and mail him...maybe then i will noe the answers to my queries..for i really dun noe wat is going on in the U ..if dun noe which course to choose.. then how to aim for one...?

me in the library again..so sian..just went to see mr kwan to ask him maths..seems that my maths need more hrs of revision than expected..i appeared to ask him some very obvious qns which i should have know by now. one week have pasted, can't say that i have done the sufficent amount of revision i am suppose to complete..spent about 70% of the time doing maths..20%lit..10% econs..really, my life can never be balanced...

talked to YL on msn last night...maybe she didnt know..but i was teary halfway through the conversion which way about my lit..really..dun noe wat i can do about it..

haiz...21 more days to the first paper.
thats like 3 more weeks....no sense of panicing here..funny..isnt this wat i have been waiting for the past 2 years?..or is it my past life..since then, i should be putting more effort into it.
i dun want to panic ..i dun want to feel the sense of panic...or even anxiety to make me feel stressed..i want to be prepared for it...my revision is underway now...the more i look through my notes, the more stuff i see that i did not understand before, and the more stuff i also do not understand till now..nothing i can say but to try my best, expect the worst and hope for the best.

>maths revision now is more fun..since tys is suppose to be easiler, i think i better concentrate on doing those first,..

>econs is a big headache...me still trying to come to terms with myself why mcq are so bad even i have practised so much on them..have given up on practising after the prelims..hope to pick it up again....

>lit..haiz..gothic...thinking of it give me creeps....donne....still trying to connect mind-to-mind with him....othello..trying to figure out the gray areas between the white and black issues..much ado....haven done nothing on it yet...pc.....recently got back some practise papers i did..didnt improve much...but the tone ,diction,imagery and language of the teachers tell me i need to analysis more....
jia you bah....

everytime i go online..me get really tried..cos my computer is sooooo slow..me now waiting for the blogger page to load..meanwhile i am typing my entry now..and i doubt i can finish loading before i finsh typing this...

haizz... any way, havent been revising much these days...went with rosie to the airport yesterday to study...or should i say tried to study..read through some econs notes...fell asleep on the BK table...lucky rosie accidentally knock the table, or i could have continued to walk around in that dream...

meanwhile, me got a bit tired of editing my blog liao..think its a good thing, cos me been thinking about it all day. told rosie that i have a dream that one day i will design some real cool blogg skins and put them on blogskins.com and hope that get in to top 12..haha..so ambitious..if one i have that mch interest in my studies... and hey..here is s lame joke i made up

wat do macdonald do when he goes to the swimming pool?
ans:he asks for the maclurin's series...haha some maths formula..ok..not funny...

any way...time to go do something liao..dunnoe wat, just go to my table and find something to do...at least wont feel so gulity...that is if i can find anything at the table of mine.... seeya pple around..

haiz..me now in the sch library with rozie, both of us doing out blog..wat a time to do our blog man..shouldnt we all be studying?
but truthfully speacking, playing with html stuff is more enjoyable than studying..yah..complaining again..
anyway, me now working on a lilo background blog, on my frontpage, but cannot seem to et it to work..but i am not giving up...if only i have this kind of perseverance in my studies.....


i want to just laze around...

a very short poem:

exams are nearing in a month's time
i dun noe wat to say.
but i dun think my results are that good
for me to laze around all day.

now that school have ended
i am more or less on my own
no more teachers breathing down my neck
but i dun like being at home all alone

i am missing u all already
hope u all are doing fine
may all of u have the courage to complete this last sprint
as i continue to search for mine.

10/10/03

A WALK I WILL REMEMBER....

i am so glad that this day is finally coming to an end...so sad too...a mixture of feelings i cannot describle. But i want to jot this memory down quick before i forget any of it....

today is last day of school where all years 2 had their farewell concert.
1 hr long it was suppose to be. before the concert,i thought it would be too short, but after the whole thing, i was glad that it only lasted that long. i wouldnt have been able to anything more than that.

throughout the concert, the principal's talk, the student's comments, mr low's song and of course the video and mr tony tan's tribute to the year twos, there wasnt a moment when my tears did not drop uncontrollablely.

the video was short, but reminded me of courage that everyone had to find within themselves to succeed. It sounds so simple, yet is so hard to put actions into such words.

like jia dai, i wished that the lights wouldnt come on after mr tony tan's tribute. For i felt his words were so true, and many of them struck me like lightning.
really, when he reminded that

'the only difference is that u won't be seeing your friends 5 days a week like u always do"

i was deeply shakened, for i could forsee the days ahead to be ones of pulling through the study period alone...
there wouldnt be people to laugh along side with u at a silly mistake made in the mcqs...
there wouldnt be lame jokes from pple like rohai and jia dai to make the lessons less stressful .....
there wouldnt be hanis dancing in class and singing the sars rap, ..
there wouldnt be hamidah making a deeply emotioal donne coments during lit lesson...
there wouldnt be jasmine talking about the latest dress she bought..
there wouldnt be a maggi goh to bitch about during econs lecture..
there wouldnt be a maths lesson to look forward to to craping about rui chong and ah kwan..
there wouldnt be a chance for u to complain to your friends when u just want to vent ur frustration....
there wouldnt be a person who sits besides u silently in class who understands u are in a bad mood ...

all the little things that happens in school everyday in the most special and beautiful class of 3302 will all suddenly come to an end.

today is thursday. me just realised that for the half of today, i thought it was friday. have been losing track of time these day, dunoe wat is going on, dunnoe wat date it is, but always hovering in my mind, is that the A's are coming.

maybe subconsiously, i am trying not to acknowlege that THE DAY is coming, and i am just living day by day.

woke up from nap this afternoon. paniced in bed for about 10 secs.
trying to remember it was night or day.
trying to figure out whether i was late for school.
trying to figure out whether i have unfinished homework that will get me into trouble for not doing.
the fear and confusion is then often not comforted by the first fact that comes to my mind:
that is THE DAY is not over yet.

looking forward to tomorrow though

haiz, another 34 days to the nightmare i fear for the past two years
and another 61 days to freedom. i wonder which one should i try working towards

i made a conclusion in school today,that "my life is a mess"
eunice commented that i may be refering to my studies..lets hope its true
why?
i think thats because i am a messy person in the first place, and it reflects in my life as well. i live for tomorrow, and cannot be considered a farsighted person.
i always misplace things, never plan for anything more than a two weeks in advance, never followed a revision for more than 3 days, never kept my desk clean for more than a week.
How i wish i can be organised.
eunice commented that i may be refering to my studies..lets hope its true

tomorrow going to ms tan.wonder wat she gonna say. got to do an othello essay and maths hw tonight.
i doubt i can complete all of that . Jia you ba.

hehe..got this from shuhui's webby...i dun mind being ten years old forever....

My inner child is ten years old!

The adult world is pretty irrelevant to me. Whether
I'm off on my bicycle (or pony) exploring, lost
in a good book, or giggling with my best
friend, I live in a world apart, one full of
adventure and wonder and other stuff adults
don't understand.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

yeah yeah, how can any one feel not guilty after writing al that abt someone who just cares about u. (hopefully my feelings too)
just wanted to pour my heart out , nothing else.

to think about the troubles in the world, poverty, war, hunger,...wats all the fuss about my problems?..i hear my mom nagging again..sian...can't fight it, live with it i will : )

tomorrow gonna start the last week of school liao. Two years...coming to an end, just like that.

Two years..
first 3 months was days that started with panics...worrying about tests finding classrooms, breaking testubes, getting to Lts in time, playing cards behind the audit...having maggie goh for econs..

then... it was adjusting to new classmates, new timetable, feeling sore abt not seeing old friends.. trying not to fall asleep in the *extremely interesting* chinese lessons, and the donne notes, so as to not smudge my drawings...figureing wat was going on in maths lectures and wat everyone was 'seeing' in pc lessons, receving 15 percentile for maths and still being proud of it...

start of year two..being to realise there isn't much time left...picking up pieces left hanging around in yr one, looking forward to breaks, dreading horriblely thursdays and fridays..knowing 3302 better, took part in a whole lot of silly but fun compeitions...missing friends..feeling depressed at times...picking pieces in my life..

now it is all coming to an end
really hope we will all still remain friends
and remember the fun we shared
and all the troubles we had

we never gave up
and look where we came
still standing upright like the time when it began

now all its left is a hundred meter sprint
let us do it hand in hand
together we can make it grand

i dun understand how i am able to do it sometimes. when my friends get results like mine, or even better than minethey worry like anything, and they are inspired to do better. i seem able to laugh it off easily, like its no business of mine. how i hate it when i do that

i have wanting to say this for a very long time.
and this is the only place i can say it without u knowing
to my mom :
stop comparing me to the cousins! yeah i know they are great.
they are disciplined to study on their own. they are all wonderful angels who knows better than not to watch tv when their exams are 1 month away. is this all said to spite me?
obviously it is not working haha
everytime when u comment on how good the cousins are, how hardworking they are, are unlazy they are unlike me, i only have one impression in my mind,

why dont u get them to be your daughter?

u see me and u think of my sucky results, my lazy nature and says that my actions do not convince u that i am working hard. Why should i convince u i am working hard?
its my life u know, its my results, if u are worried, dun u think i am more worried?
yeah i look like i dun care, maybe its true, but do i have to convince u by putting on an appearance just to make u feel happy, something which will never happen cos in your mind, i am just a leopard who cannot change its spots.
i bet that even if i do well in my prelims u would have said that i was just luck. thats the problem u know u never believe me.
watching tv is wrong, napping is wrong, sitting in front of the comp is wrong.
only working in front of desk is correct. i might as well program myself to be a robot.or even get a robot to be your daughter....
sometimes when i dun argue back , it does mean that i am totally agree with your words u know

sometimes i would just wonder wat is life about.
is it about going to school everyday to study?
or is it getting the your As results at the end of the two years
haha..no use pondering over these qns now anyway.
since we are in this system already, might as well fight it bravely

maybe that is wat life is about, faceing different changes everyday, and learning through them. The jounney is long, and the experiences gained are often invaluable and unexchangeable. What i have learnt all these years make up who i am now, who u see now. Moulded into what i am today, my experiences tell me, if you cannot fight the system, join it!
if u can't join it, get around it..hehe
决定要做的是情 不要轻易受打击 今天不行还有明天可以!!
Yap there is always tomorrow
but sometimes chances just slip through out fingers without us knowing.
maybe that is why life is so unpredictable.
maybe that is why its lucky we have exams(postive way of thinking), cos they are predictable stuff that tells us ' if you can't even succeed in stuff u can prepare for, why think about succeeding in other stuff?'

of course thats the mechanical way of thinking of things.
life is full of changes. in fact it is all about changes..then wat is the use of exams since they are so predictable and do not prepare us for life?
can u tell me? ^ _^ ||

sian about ..30 plus days to exams..how is everyone?
i only know that if i work hard now, i have the chance to more than scrape through..

get back most of my prelim results liao: should be CEE...sian, but i will jia you for my As!! i am sure i can do it!!!Hey friends!! jia you together, me will also cherish the last week of school we are going to spend together....

its been a long time since i have enjoyeed myself this much hearing songs
everyone should try getting this song, its super happy and cute!! me give it 10 stars!! a perfect song to drive away any blues still hanging in the air after the prelims :P

<决定爱你 by vivian hsu>: http://www.boomspeed.com/xiao_joan87/blogger_vivian.JPG